Benji's Balls End of Season Awards

Shit Season XI


Best Story
1) Paddy Kenny Gets Eyebrow Bitten Off By Mate
2) Mourinho Hides in Laundry Basket
3) Added Time MultiBall in Macclesfield

Best Writer
Barney Ronay. Guardian saturday sports sketch writer, has recently infiltrated the haughty pages of G2.

Best Regular Read
Football 365's Mediawatch

Best Entertainment Value
Joey Barton

Best Prediction
Fergie to Retire, Then Pursue Political Career (me). You wait, you just wait.

So, chucks, it's been emotional. Will be infrequently posting over the summer if I feel the need to chew some footballing fat. Also, there is the distinct possibility Benji's Balls will be coming atcha live from South America next season. Which could be mental. Oooow-lay.

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Cursed Roeder Leaves Newcastle

Reports are emerging that poor old Glen Roeder has parted company with Newcastle. Whilst this is another case of nice guys finishing last in football, and also a terrbile loss to the 'speaking in the third person' community, perhaps the biggest bummer for Roeder is that..it's happened again.

You see whenever Glen Roeder finishes 7th with a club, the season after always end in tears for him. When he finished 7th with Watford in 94/95 they were relegated the next year. Same thing happened with West Ham after they finished 7th in 01/02.

When Newcastle finished 7th last year, Roeder must have know he'd be in for it this season. If I was him i'd put a team of lawyers on the case to investigate the possibility of sueing the number 7. Teams of lawyers are all the rage these days.

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Vote Fergie Watch: Week 2

A clevererer man than me once said: "When things happen quite often you have to start thinking of them as a chain of events rather than a series of isolated incidents, innit."

And, as has been the form on Benji's Balls over the last few weeks, I'm becoming increasingly convinced that Fergie is laying the foundations for a political career post-football. Last week we saw him adding his tuppence to the Scottish Unionist vs Nationalist debate, found out that he has been taking lessons from Al Gore, and that he is on first name terms with "Gordon and Tony".

And this week, Fergie has turned his attentions to the political hot potato of class. Reacting to some particularly peachy comments from Jose Mourinho on Christiano Ronaldo's upbringing, Sir Alex got all philiosophical on his ass:

"If someone comes from a poor, working-class background, it doesn't mean to say you are not educated. What Ronaldo has is principles, which is why he has not responded to the comments, whereas some people who are educated have no principles and that's without question in this case." [Red Issue]

Ooh, get him! Keep tuning in for more Fergie political skulduggery. Vote Fergie!

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Joey Barton: A Fagin of our Times (part 2)

Joey, Joey, Joey. Once again, I began the week thinking Barton was a bit of a hero, openly criticising a few of Man City's players who, lets face it, have been shit all season. Allthough he didn't actually mention names, it was clear that Bernardo Corradi and £6m signing Giorgios Samaras, with 70 appearences and 9 goals between them were the chaff he was referring to. Once again, a shining example of a footballer actually speaking his mind, rather than the conveyer belt of durge that flows from the mouths of other PR-hypnotised players such as Fat Frank 'game of two halves' Lampard. Classic Barton.

Ans then, golly, Barton decided to cave team-mate Ousemane Dabo's face in after a late tackle in training:

"The midfielder has been suspended by Citeh for the rest of the season after a training-ground fight with Ousmane Dabo resulted in the Frenchman being taken to hospital. Dabo is reported to have been punched repeatedly by Barton after a row erupted during a practice match.

'After the two midfield players cut each other down with alternate late tackles, Barton taunted Dabo by telling him: "You're s**t." Dabo retaliated by telling Barton: 'You are not as good as you think you are,' and the players began to trade blows,' reports The Daily Mail.

"It was incredible. Joey was over Dabo and still hitting him while he was on the floor," an eyewitness told The Daily Mirrror." [footy365]

Once again, classic Barton.
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