Tuesday, November 21, 2006

West Hamasson: The Verdict


So, West Ham have been bought by Periluigi Collina's dad. And it turns out he's an Icelandic bloke who goes by the name of Magnusson. Anyway, this has been, for obvious reason, a situation I have followed closely... voici mon observations:

- This is the lesser of two evils. In fact the Magnusson consortium doesn't seem that evil at all. The bloke has been the head of the Icelandic FA, and clearly knows his football. His financier, Bjorgolfur Gudmundsson, has an ever so slightly 80s track record, but name me someone who got rich in the 80s who hasn't.

- The Joorabchian consortium was fucked from the moment Caborn and the Olympic comittee all but ruled out a move to the Olympic stadium after 2012. Joorabchian's Israeli financier Eli Papouchado is first and foremost a property developer, and had his eyes on the Upton Park real estate.

- Don't expect Yossi Benayoun to stick around for too long. His agent, or should I say superagent Pinhas Zahavi, was due to be the Joorabchian dealbroker, having arranged Chelsea's sale to Roman Abramovic, and been heavily involved in Joorabchian's skulduggery at Corinthians (he is due half of any fee they receive for Carlos Alberto, the ex-Porto midfielder due to move to Europe soon). Yossi was recently tied down to a contract until 2011 by West Ham...they knew what they were doing, I believe his tenure at West Ham was conditional on the deal. At least now we'll get some decent dough. This is a real shame, Benayoun is a brilliant player.

-Jesus I feel sorry for Mascherano and Tevez, the poor guys are pawns in this whole thing. Surely they won't be staying for long now that father-figure Joorabchian is out of the equation. This said, I reckon Tevez will stay, and Mascherano will go in January.

So. Done deal. I was getting a little bored to be honest. I'm off to make a fortune selling biscuits...

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Join Me.


Sorry for lack of blogs, I've been pretty busy (I'm as surprised as you are). Anyway, thought I'd let you know that fat-bloke Paddy Kenny getting his eyebrow bitten off by ONE OF HIS MATES(!) was in fact only the second funniest thing to happen in football over the last few weeks...

Last monday an FA Cup game between Macclesfield and Walsall was disrupted when some absolute genius, perhaps inspired by Bud's "added-time multi-ball" advert, kicked 36 balls onto the pitch from outside the ground. Incredibly, despite scouring the web, I cannot fnd a video of this event, but trust me it was hillarious.

Anyway, I feel that blustery night up north was the beginning of something important. Very important. Football's equivalent of flash-mobbing...totally legal, totally bizarre, totally hillarious. Maybe it'll be called "ball-clogging" or "flash- balling", who knows. Either way I'm in.

***Please let me know if you want to join my "flash-balling" gang"*** email details on left. probably have to be London based. more details to follow.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Because I Feel Like It

Charlton travel to Chesterfield tonight in the 4th round of the League Cup. Iain Dowie bloody loves playing away up north in the 4th round of the League Cup...just look at this:

Friday, November 03, 2006

Don't Patronise me - I'm Russian or Brazillian (or possibly Dutch or Scottish)

Apologies for dearth of posts, have been moving mansion. I now live in the heart of Arsenal territory. What was I thinking.

Anyway, special sorry to me old bud Owen Shackman, who having accompanied me to Russia a few weeks ago, has blessed us all with a hotdiggidydamn post on Russian football, inspired in part by our trip to see the mighty Zenit St Petersburg shit on a Gary O'Conner 'inspired' (scored, a cracker actually) Lokomotiv Moscow. Take it away Shack...



“…on the night they had been consistently beaten to the punch by an efficient, effective and perhaps underrated outfit.”

Above are the words from www.Arsenal.com describing Arsenal’s defeat in Moscow to CSKA (or say-ass-ka loosely phoneticised from the Russian). In my experience, this considered approach (by Arsenal.com) to analyzing Russian football is somewhat of an anomaly in the world of football journalism, publications and newspapers instead acting on hunch that “’cos they’re from Russia, they’re probably not as good”.

The “casual” attitude towards Russian teams that the CSKA goalkeeper Igor Akinfeev observed is reflected in The Times’s Champions League preview, predicting Arsenal to finish top of the group, CSKA bottom, which instantly surprised me – Champions of Russia, UEFA Cup Winners in 2005 (something even the mighty Arsenal failed to achieve), six full Russian and three new Brazil internationals – obviously don’t stand a chance then do they? It therefore does not surprise me to find CSKA top of the group and in a tremendous position to qualify for the next stage where they will undoubtedly be written off as a “surprise package”. Pipe down Tyldesley, steady on Rosenthal – give these boys the respect they deserve.

I am of course fairly biased, having studied and lived in Russia, but as an Arsenal fan, I found myself with mixed feelings at kick off at 5.30 nearly two weeks ago. I was almost willing CSKA on to get a goal and show these quick-to-judge newspapers and TV reporters that these Ruskies can play. Having witnessed Daniel Carvalho lash in his free kick, my Russia-loving side soon abated and I wanted my boys to show those “shivering Brazilians” (another Tyldesley classic) a thing or two. Sixty-six minutes and one bad decision later, we were beaten, but still sitting fairly pretty in the group.

I awaited the nonsense that was to spill from the mouths of presenters and the back pages of tabloids and broadsheets alike. The Times, to be honest, reported fairly, despite the atrociously dramatic Napoleonic parallel, describing Arsenal as making “a hasty retreat” – oh and please get shot of the “Arsenal frozen out in Moscow” headlines – you are paid to think up something better than that. As a follower of CSKA and a fan of Arsenal, I feel able to make the observation that CSKA were just better than us on the day – Dudu was allowed to dominate midfield due to Gilberto’s below par performance, Vagner Love played the lone hit man up top admirably and Carvalho provided excellent support. The Berezutskiy brothers were solid, the full backs probing.

My vitriol has somewhat abated after that mini-rant, so I will talk about my first team in Russia – the mighty dark blues, light blues and whites of Zenit St Petersburg. Having lived in Peter (that’s what us locals call it don’t ya know) for five months in 2005, I have a strong affinity with the place and with its football team. St Petersburg, the fourth biggest city in Europe (just under 5 million residents), has but one big team, as opposed to Moscow’s eight teams from the capital or the surrounding Moscow region. This means that all of Peter is Zenit mad, her people caught in a bubble inflated by the poster boys Andrei Arshavin and Alexander (Sasha) Kerzhakov, (both of whom often lead the line for Russia – keep an eye out) the latter of whom recently broke SPB hearts by getting married. If rumours are to believed, Spurs and Middlesbrough both had £6 million bids turned down over the summer for Kerzhakov’s services – a reflection of how highly rated and treasured he is.

If you look on the BBC Sport website, I’m sure you will be intrigued to note that SV Red Bull Salzburg are seven points clear at the top of the Austrian league, while we are all acutely ignorant of the fact that with five games to go, the Russian league is presently a four-horse race – with Zenit, ridden by Dick Advocaat looking to make a last-minute dash for glory. And they may well do it – a convincing 4-1 win against second placed Lokomotiv on Sunday 22nd October at a packed Petrovski Stadium certainly gave fans hope.

The game itself represented what is so good about football in Russia currently. The fans went absolutely mental, unveiling huge flags and banners from what seemed like nowhere, held up their scarves and swayed in union, chanting ‘ma-lat-si’ (‘clever boy’) after every goal, and ‘ve-perriod-piter’ (‘onwards/forwards Peter’) as they witnessed their team put a lackluster Lokomotiv to the sword. Arshavin was the architect, a Rosicky-esque player, who roamed a five man midfield, supported by the excellent defensive work of Fernando Ricksen, the banished Rangers player, making life intensely difficult for Lokomotiv to take any control. It was Arshavin’s corner that allowed the lumbering liability Norweigan centre back Hagen to glance a header beyond Polyakov for the opening goal, and Arshavin was soon in the goals himself, judging the offside line perfectly, before lashing the ball into the goalkeeper’s top right corner to make it 2-0 on the stroke of half time. The second half saw the rested Kerzhakov come off the bench, who quickly supplied the cut back (albeit slightly deflected) for Igor Denisov to blast the result from doubt just after the hour.

The introduction of Gary O’Connor for Lokomotiv was of intense interest, and he certainly belied any family problems he may be having, dispatching a tremendous volley into the far side of Malafeev’s goal. Fantastic stuff. Kerzhakov wasn’t finished however, and won a penalty in injury time that was easily converted by the excellent Spivak. If you don’t believe me, check out the highlights on YouTube.


Dick Advocaat has to an extent got Zenit organized into a good side. They play the ball on the floor, and as is the Russian way, will always prioritize attack over defence. This is something Guus Hiddink quickly understood as the new Russia manager, and he has led his new team to an undefeated start to qualification, my boy Arshavin playing an important role in Russia’s 5 points from three games. My advice is, England, don’t expect unless you have done your homework – that will be the difference between England licking their wounds or celebrating just under a year from now.