And McBride Headbutts it into the Scorebag!!!!

This is brilliant. Bill Simmons is a famous sports writer in the US for ESPN, who recently decided, on the back of World Cup hysteria, to support an EPL(!) team. To his credit he put a hell of a lot of thought into it, and recently produced a 6,000 word column explaining his decision. Despite the rampant Americanisms (see below) his article is a fascinating look at the Premiership from the perspective of someone who knows nothing about it, producing some truly brilliant moments. Before you read it, here's some excerpts:

- on why not to support Fulham: "one of their celebrity fans is Hugh Grant. And they're owned by Mohamed Al Fayed, the Harrods owner whose son was in the limo with Princess Di. Too many bad vibes"

- on Abramovich: "You couldn't invent a guy like this: Russian oligarch who dumps money into players, hitting the bid on exorbitant transfer fees to stock his squad with so much talent while showing no regard for the bottom line"

- on Arsenal's kit: "Bright red shirts with white sleeves and white shorts. Classic look."

- on Man City's kit: "Baby blue, a shade lighter than the UNC Tar Heels. Probably the sweetest jerseys in the EPL. I can't emphasize this strongly enough -- these things are SPECTACULAR."

- reasons to support Man City: "One of their goal scorers is named Paul Dickov (pronounced "dick-off")"

- Reasons to support Newcastle: "They're named after a beer I actually like."

- Liverpool as a vacation destination?: "Only if you've been kidnapped"

- Tottenham's nickname: "The Spurs. This is important: You either call then "Tottenham Hotspur" or you call them "the Spurs," but no other option is acceptable."

-Why to support Spurs: "If London was the Corleone family, Manchester United was Sonny and Arsenal was Michael, then the Spurs would be Fredo with a little more street smarts … and They have a Kafka-reading, gigantic Dutchman of a coach named Martin Jol who (A) has brothers named "Cock" and "Dick" (I'm not making this up), and (B) apparently talks just like Goldmember (in the third Austin Powers movie). Now there's someone who needs to be in my life."

And who did he pick? You'll just have to read it to find out. Despite all the funny stuff this really is a good read. Over to you in the studio, Bob...