Spot the Difference

Chelsea re Bosnich 2003:
"Chelsea Football Club can confirm that notice has been served on goalkeeper Mark Bosnich that his contract is being terminated under the terms of the FA Premier League. We will be saying nothing else on the matter"


Chelsea re Mutu 2004:
"We want to make clear that Chelsea has a zero tolerance policy towards drugs. This applies to both performance enhancing drugs or so-called ‘recreational’ drugs. They have no place at our club or in sport. Chelsea has terminated the contract of Adrian Mutu for gross misconduct."

Alan Pardew re Newton 2006:
"First of all, I would like to express my disappointment and sadness at the situation Shaun Newton finds himself in. He knows that he has let down his family, the Club, and of course, himself.

However, I can say now that, as a football club, we will stand by Shaun throughout this difficult time. West Ham United has always had a reputation as a family club and our belief here is that, when a member of your family is in trouble, you look after them.

Although we will continue to help and support Shaun through this difficult time, we are also acutely aware of our responsibilities as a Club, and he will face internal disciplinary action when all of the information surrounding his situation is clarified. However, I have seen at first hand the emotional and personal hell that Shaun Newton has been through in recent weeks, and our priority must be to help him - not abandon him. I hope his experience serves as a lesson to any sportsperson."

Who's the Scapegoat?

Very odd goings on at Villa. First the players are alleged to have invited a reporter to training to release a statement against Doug Ellis, that can be found here at the bottom of the page. Interviewed today, Lee Hendrie said he had never seen the statement. Sky Sports is indicating that Thomas Sorensen (always thought he was the revolutionary type) was one of the instigators. As I write David O'Leary is being questioned by the club, the suggestion being that if he is found to have been behind the statement he's out the door. How ridiculous.

Fact is, Villa fans want them both out. And they both know this- see here and here. What i expect is happening here is that both are trying to win favour by booting the other out the door. O'Leary might well have orchestrated the revolt, albeit pretty badly, to make Ellis' position untenable, therefore seeming the hero whilst getting Ellis out before he sacked him. Ellis can now sack O'Leary, which would certainly be a popular decision, diverting attention away from the fact that no-one likes him either. Get it? Both want to be responible for the others demise, diverting the fans from the fact that they are shit.

However hillarious it is to see Villa be repeatedly mediocre, do us a favour and both piss off.

Roeder's Lucky 7

Ah, Glen Roeder. My favourite person. What a lovely guy, eh? A player's manager. Give him a cuddle. Did marvellously to turn around Newcastle's season last season. Finished 7th didn't they? Oh shit.

Glen Roeder's mangerial history...

Gillingham
1992/93: Relegated (Div. 3)

Watford
1994/95: 7th (Div. 1)
1995/96: Relegated

West Ham
2001/2002: 7th (Prem.)
2002/2003: Relegated

Newcastle
2005/2006: 7th
2006/2007: ?

When Glen Roeder finishes 7th, he tends to get relegated the next season. As I write, Newcastle are struggling to hold SK Lillestrom to a draw in the first round of the Inter-Twobob Cup, have so far signed no-one this summer, Shearer has retired, and Owen's knee is fucked. They have also been linked to signing Juan Pablo Angel. Not looking good. Surely not?

Benji's Balls World Cup 2006 Awards

The 'Turn-up For the Books' XI
Players who played well wot you wouldn't have expected to innit.


















WAG of the Tournament
Raica Oliveira (Ronaldo's Missus)


David Ginola 'Because I'm Worth It' Award
Mauro Camoranesi


Ron Atkinson Rubbish Commentary Award
"Its Cannavaro, and its can you believe it!!!"
John "still calls Germany West Germany" Motson


Milan Baros 'I've Just Tripled My Asking Price' Award
Frank Ribery link


Funniest Moment
Maxi Rodriguez' flying girl slap:

Zidane's Mozart Moment

How incredibly sad. Concratulations to Italy, who deserved it (see below), but unfortunately i will remember tonight for the wrong reason. The greatest player i have ever seen play tonight ended his carrer in front of billions, in inexplicable disgrace. A poisonous ending to a magical career.

It is one of life's great ironies that thin lines divide the bounds between genius and madness, and tonight Zidane demonstrated the disasterous deviation from one to the other. As with out very own Wayne Rooney, Zidane has always had it in him to loose it (remember that stamp on the Suadi player in 1998?), and such it seems are the tragic by-products of brilliance.

But does everyone remeber Mozart for shitting on his girlfriends chest? Or Churchill for being a virulant racist? Exactly. Lets not remember Zidane for his headbutt. Talk about it for a bit by all means, but don't lose context. Instead lets remember him for this...

The Maths of it All...

Have noticed that opinion is split over who to support tonight, so have devised a simple points system to work this one out. Sitting comfortably...

France
Fabien Barthez is a knob, and shouldn't be in the team as Cupet is better -4 points

Zinedine Zidane is truly God-like, and winning the World Cup twice would confirm his place alongside Pele and Maradona as one of the greatest players ever. +17 points

Abidal and Malouda are average, its always a shame for these types of player to be in a World Cup winning team (circa Guivarc'h) -7 points

Thierry Henry is one of the greats of the modern game, and did not play in the 1998 final, so desrves his bit of history +14 points

Thierry Henry is an arrogant git, a bad loser and has thrown himself around like a big girl this tournament -14 points

Domenech dropped Trezuguet in favour of allowing Ribery to be an extra attacker from midfield, just about making up for not taking Guily +4 points

Barthez, Thuram, Vieira, Zidane and Henry have already acheived enough, share the love boys... -10 points

Cluade Makalele played little part in World Cup 98 or Euro 2000, and is one of the finest if not the best defensive midfielders in the World, deserves to win something +12 points

total..... 12 Points

Italy
Their domestic game is a disgrace, and the fans of Juve, Lazio, AC Fiorentina might be about to see thier teams relegated because of the corruption of the arseholes running their clubs. Definitely need something to cheer about +15 points

Mauro Camoranesi really does have beautiful hair +4 points

They are an annoying team who winge and cheat. Beat Ghana 2-0 whn it should have been a draw. -11 points

Buffon, Cannavarro, Zambrotta, Pirlo and Gattuso are truly world class players who deserve to have won major international honours in their career. Del Piero was a world class player a few years back too, so deserves something as well. +12 points

De Rossi's elbow -4 points

When the Italians score a goal thay all try to celebrate like Tardelli in '82, which is really cool. Much better than Thierry Henry's pompous eyebrow twitch. +7 points

Francesco Totti is overrated. -8 points

total... 15 points

So there you have it. Support Italy. I'm off to eat some pizza whilst being financially suspect.....

Yes Sir, I Bite my Thumb at You!!

In response to my last blog i would like to respond to a few comments that got my goat.

1)"last World Cup Nicky Butt was considered by many as our best player in a holding midfield role akin to Hargreaves'" Nicky Butt never put in a performance for England like Hargreaves did vs Portugal.

2)"Pretty sure you were like the majority of the population and a Hargreaves doubter on more than one occasion". In fact before the WC i was in favour of Carragher in the holding role, and yes, i didn't give Hargreaves the time of day. link.

3)"I honestly think it is easier to have a good game in this position than any other position, or that people in this country are just amazed at all the short range passes they are required to make. You just have to sit back and not be too daring, cover the full backs and English people like the unsung hero, someone behind the scenes who, in the glitzy English midfield, takes a back seat, says 'Go on then Stevie, have a run, i've got it covered'." The defensive midfield position is 'easy', well thats just poopoo. Roy Keane, Edgar Davids of old, Makalele, Mascherano, Gattuso, Vieira, were/are all arguably the most important players on their team. If England are to play any three/four or Gerrard, Lampard, Joey Cole or Lennon, the the defensive midfielder will be the most important position in the team. The fact that Hargreaves did more in one game than Carrick and Carragher did in their two put together shows the difference between playing well and playing badly in that position.

4) "I think McClaren would be a fool to drop Beckham straight away, he assisted or scored three of our five goals at the World Cup, the phrase 'kneejerk' comes to mind when daring to think of Lennon"Unfortunately by relinquishing the armband Becks did not do enough. Yes he got some assists and a goal, but like Shearer before him, his syle is that in which the team is sculpted, and has been one of the major factors inhibiting England over the last few years. Who wants to be pinging 40 yard balls to little Wayne and Owen, regardless of how inch perfect they are. Beckham is dead, long live Aaron Lennon (or SWP if he gets better)

5)"I'd also like to point out that bar some really shakey moments during the Sweden game I was thrilled with our two centre halfs" Rio was excellent, Terry was good but not up to his Chealsea standards. Actually the shaky moments vs Sweden coincided with Campbell coming on. Either way our biggest problem is Paul Robinson, who despite being a marvellous shotstopper did not command his defence and looked nervous throghout the WC. Needs to grow bigger balls..compare him to Kahn opr Lehmann or Schmeical etc...bit of a worry this one.

Aaaaaaaaah, thats better. By the way, the two playa haters getting my back up were the co-stars of Malking Tovies, a really very good movie podcast. If either of them want a fight i'm well up for it...

Always look on the brght side...

Its been a while since i last blogged properly. There's a simple explanation for this. About a month ago i finished university, and freed from the shackles of academia i have been having a rather good time, alcoholically speaking. Anyway, in this brief moment of sobriety i thought i'd cheer you all up. Here's the positives from England's far from brilliant World Cup experience.

1) Sven is gone. Good Riddance.

2) Turns out Owen Hargreaves is pretty ace. I never doubted him.

3) Beckham has quit as captain. This will solve a lot of problems in team selection. He is a great player, not world class, but great. He is, however, not good enough to play on the right for Enlgand, which is surely now the property of Aaron Lennon. Lets hope Maclaren has the balls to enact this. Furthermore, whilst Beckham was able to lead by example, he was not really able to lead in any other way. Gerrard or Terry can lead by example and give rousing team talks, chip in tactically etc...

4) Frank Lampard has shown that he is a poor man's Stevie Gerrard. If England's midfield is to become a diamond with Hargreaves playing deep, Gerrard will surely now be picked as the forward option. Midfield solved?: Cole, Hargreaves, Gerrard, Lennon.

5) Hopefully we have seen the last of Chriatiano Ronaldo in the premiership. He is an absolutely brilliant player, but you'd have to be better than Ronaldinho to make up for the sheer amnmount of twattishness he has demonstrated.

6) We are in good company. Brazil, Argentina and Spain (who would have thought?) also badly underacheived.

7)Our best XI are all young enough to be in fine form for Euro 2008.

The Maclaren era begins!!!!!!(cue uprorious excitement)

Couchsurfing RIP

Hello y'all. Very unrelated to football, but those of you who know me will know that couchsurfing.com meant a lot to me. This morning almost a hundred thousand of us were informed that it is no more- link. Anyone who ever hosted me or i hosted, please get in touch. This is not the end (trigger pheonix from the flames).

Football Philosophy

So, this is my first ever drunk blog. i really am pissed, and yet dominating this keyboard...awesome. probably gonna regret this. As the byproduct iof the particularly drunken conversaTION i have just been having, i have had the following epiphany..........

to be a successful footballing nation you need the requisite ammounts of the following ingredients...ie they all need to balance out at about 7 out of 10. you'll understand in a minute.

1) Demographics
law of averages..the more people you have, the more likely you are to produce a footballing genius.

2)Economics
pump enough money into something and it has more chance of succeeding

3)Enthusiasm
if you want something bad enough you can get it

4) physicality
football is a sport. these days you need to be smehting pretty special if you aren't physically strong.

Now, as you are all screaming out...these are all gargantuan generalities..but my point is that you need a balance of the four. Trinidad's demographic deficiency is made up by their physicality and enthusiasm. China are currently not that good because their lack of natural physicality renders their demographicd, economic input and enthusiasm redundant. Brazil are amazing because their physicality, enthusiasma and demographics vastly outweigh their lack of economic input, whcih proportionaly is still pretty good.

so, to be a succesful footballing nation you need a balnce of the four. What do you lot think?..i genuinely want to know...

Ribery to do an Owen?

Whilst in Marseille the other night (darling) i saw the French team almost slip up against oriental upstarts China. For anyone who didn't watch the game, do not be fooled by the result...had a Chniese player not scored a hillarious own goal in the 90th minute the match would have finished 1-1, Henry's goal a minute later was meaningless.

However, I wish not to comment on France's near humiliation, nor on the recent penchent of international teams to play a bunch of absolute arse pre-tournament to boost morale (Luxembourg got twatted by both Germany and Portugal, whose previous opponents were the Cape Verde Islands, England destroyed Jamaica etc...)..but instead of a young Mr Frank Ribery.

France's starting midfield last night was Malouda, Zidane, Vieira and Makalele...can anyone spot the problem? Two holding midfielders require either two attacking wingers infront of them, or an attacking midfielder and two wingers (like Chelsea). So then lets see...Malouda did the bit on the left, but Zidane has never been a winger, so barely bothered going wide, leaving France's only threat from the right as Willy Sangol...it was all a bit akward, and cocequently rubbish. Then Ribery came on, filled in the gaps that Zidane was only filling half of, and was the key force behind France's last two goals.

Rather like Hoddle's conundrum with Beckham and Owen in 1998, Domenech has to drop favourites to get Ribery in...either Zidane straight up, or one of Makalele or Vieira to make the midfield a diamond with Ribery on the right- what i would have thought is the best solution. Either way, France's midfield is a bugger to pick. Maybe then Guilly's exclusion was merely to spare a further headache! (And it seems our left-wing problem has headed south, as with the only natural left foot in the squad- as my hon. freind Johnny pointed out- Maloudiocre is the only one who's place is semi-guaranteed.)

Whatever Domenech decides, Ribery looks shit hot, and i predict him to shine when he plays. I also predict him to be an arsenal player next year, he had Arsenal written all over him...quick passer and runner, direct, seemed to flourish on the break, linked up nicely with Sir Thierry etc...watch this space.

Up Yours BBC

Any West Ham fan will tell you the BBC have a bit of an anti-Westh Ham bias. From consitently playing our highlights last, from Lawro ALWAYS predicting we will lose, and the final indignity.......not including a single West Ham goal in Goal of the Season. Anyone in doubt, have a look at these corkers...and tell me at least one of them didn't deserve to be included:






Eat that Lawro!

On the Defensive

With England’s perennial left wing conundrum well and truly solved, the great holding midfielder debate can begin. To begin…should we have one at all? Well, yes quite frankly, for two reasons:

Firstly it solves the problem of the utilisation of Lampard and Gerrard. This is an obvious one; with a holding midfielder they can drive forward, and is the best of a bad situation with the absence of Rooney.

Secondly, if England want to win the World Cup, it is highly arguable that their arch nemeses this time around will be attacking midfielders. Ronaldinho, Messi, Riquelme, Ballack, Zidane, Nedved, Christiano Ronaldo, and Kaka will pose just as much, if not more threat than the obvious candidates up front such as Ronaldo, Torres, Shevchenko, Henry, Van Nistelrooy etc. Thus a spare in front of the back two could be invaluable.

With this in consideration, Hargreaves and Carrick simply don’t have the mettle, and Carragher is our man. With a few stipulations (based on tonight’s performance): Firstly, if he is going to pass the ball backwards and sideways, which is fine, he has to do it quickly, rather than dithering like he did on many occasions tonight. Our midfield four also have to give him early options. We don’t need Carra to run with it, or pick out through balls, just passing it on will do nicely thanks, so do it quickly.

Perhaps more importantly, Carragher will have to concede less fouls. He conceded at least 5 in the first half today, and better teams would have punished this. If the referee today is anything like what we will get in the World Cup, Carragher is the kind of player that will be frequently penalised.

So, Carragher is our man, as long as he releases the ball quicker, and fouls less. He is a world class player, but doesn’t have much class, so lets just hope he does his job.

EXCLUSIVE: Crouch the Hotstepper

Got sent this a few days ago. A Benji's Balls Exclusive(!)...introducing Crouch the Hotstepper! Cheers to Dan for the technical assistance. Another reason to worship the big man.

A Strange Omission: A Reply...

Thought i'd post up my good friend Jonny's reply to my blog about Giuly, as he clearly knows more about the issue than I do; here you go:

"...the intricacies of French football do not escape the brutality of politics. Raymond Domenech is notorious in France for dropping experienced players only to be replaced by 'les espoirs' (lit. the hopefuls). Robert Pires famously fell out with Domenech last year after being dropped.

In France, few stars still play in La Ligue, so when a youngster like Ribery has a top season at Marseille, who incidentally have been a pile of poo this season, there's no leaving him out. The French footie press are as manipulative as the British and Domenech is seen as a pretty weak character over there. A player like Malouda gets in ahead of Guily simply because he's naturally left-sided, and well, nobody else in the squad is! (Sound familiar?) As for the Djibbers Cisse, who knows how he manages it, but they absolutely love him in France! No joke, they reckon he's the shit... The truth is, he was the shit at Auxerre, but then I could probably get a couple against Guingamp, Le Havre and Nancy!

As for Ludo Giuly, in my humble opinion, he's not actually that good. Granted he's got bags of pace, but I don't reckon much else. Also, for the last few months, he's been shouting his mouth off about how he's best mates with Henry and how big TH is definitely heading to the Nou Camp having fallen out with everyone and their mother at Arsenal... Well all I can say is HA HA HA. Justice. Gutted Ludo, have fun canoeing this summer, cos no one gives a cow's arse what u think."

Lets all do the Walcott (x2) La La La La...

Having played 38 times this season for Barcelona and picked up a second consecutive La Liga title, and a Champions League medal (having scored a cracker in the semis) Ludovic Giuly has not been included in the France squad. Very odd.

As far as i can find, Giuly has no history of attitude problems, or clashes with international managers (which often end French player's international careers). He might not have been a regular in the Barca team this year, but has chipped in with 6 goals, including the afformentioned screamer in the semis of the Champions League. In any case, being edged out of the starting line up by Ronaldinho and Lionel Messi is not something to be ashamed of.

The argument seems to be that Frank Ribery was picked ahead of him, which would be fair enough if it was one of the two, as Ribery has had a great season and is one of the hottest properties in Europe. However, there are at least three players in the squad who Giuly could have replaced that are not Frank Ribery, but play in similar positions. Florent Malouda has had a good season at Lyon, but lets face it, the French League cannot compare to La Liga. Vikash Dhorasoo hasn't scored a single goal all year, whilst playing for a PSG side that finished 9th. And thene there's Djibril Cisse, who is shit, and really annoying as well.

I suspect there is something we are not being told. Or maybe Raymond Domenech has decided to 'do a Walcott' and have a bit of a laugh with his squad. Who knows.

The Risdale Road or the Murray Muckup?

Well done Watford, if not only for another away day to look forward to next year. Today’s game got me thinking about the plight of teams who experience success, and in particular the role chairmen play in deciding the future of clubs.

This year saw West Ham and Wigan excel in the Premiership, both because of inspired managers, decent investment, and most importantly, shit loads of ambition. Sunderland on the other hand embarrassed themselves, having added little more than a handful of chaff to their squad over the pre-season. Then of course there is Leeds, whose one time chairman went a bit loopy with success, invested haphazardly, and was bitten in the ass because of it. The question then, is how to follow up success with investment?

Success needs to be a platform on which to build. If it isn’t then lack of ambition is woefully exposed. Bob Murray at Sunderland exemplifies this approach. They won the Championship relatively easily, surpassing Wigan and West Ham on their way, and then stopped. Peter Risdale, on the other hand, got Leeds into the Champions League, wrote cheques the club eventually couldn’t cash, leaving them well and truly in the shit.

The answer then, is somewhere in between Bob Murray and Peter Risdale: building on success but not going over the top. Becoming a top club requires patience and the right amount of investment at the right time. This is exactly what West Ham and Wigan have done. Whilst Wigan’s investment has been modest compared to West Ham’s this season, they have been building on success progressively for about three years. West Ham have shown ambition when it was in question (£7m for Ashton) and also known how to work with the existing setup, settling on players like Mullins and Harewood who could have been expendable, but were stuck with and grew into the Premiership. Will be interesting to know what way Watford, Sheffield United and Reading go.

The Seal

Introducing Kerlon, the 'new Ronaldinho' who Man United are trying to buy, apparantly a delegation went out there this week. Famous for the 'seal dribble'. As far as i'm concerned, this is the first trick that can only be defended against with a flying headbutt. Unfortunately, the defender in the first trick hasn't worked this out yet, so settles for karate kicking his chest. Will certainly be fun to see him in the Premiership. That sound you can hear is Lucas Neill salivating.

News link here.

Rough Justice

Commiserations Arsenal, I really do feel your pain (see pics two blogs below). Would like to make a point that may be seen as rubbing it in, so first the disclaimer. Have thoroughly enjoyed watching Arsenal in Europe this season, as a bunch of relative upstarts ended up playing the Arsenal way, which is a joy to watch. And of course, Henry really is a God. Lets hope for the sake of every English football fan that he stays.

However, in an annoying way, justice has been done. For the first time in three years the best team in Europe is officially the best team in Europe. As incredible as Porto and Liverpool’s feats were, it seemed a bit of a soppy impunity that the best team in Portugal and the third best team in England were officially the best teams in Europe over the last few years. Even worse, Sao Paolo are officially the best team in the world. I am a big fan of romance in cup competitions, God knows I would have welcomed a healthy smothering of the stuff on Saturday, but a part of me is pleased that the honeymoon period is over for the Champions League, and can now truly be considered a league of champions.

If this game had been played two years ago when Arsenal were quite probably the best team in the world, they would have been worthy champions, but the unfortunate truth is that Barcelona are currently the better team, and have within their number a player who somehow manages to be better than Thierry Henry. I was cheering you all the way Arsenal (as dirty as this felt), but in the end hats off to Barca, the best team in Europe. (and do us a favour and win the intercontinental Cup to set the record straight).

News Now

You may have noticed football just got twice as interesting. That's because the transfer window has opened again, and the gossip is coming thick and fast.

NewsNow is a great way to keep up to date with what your team is up to, it basically scans hundreds of news sites for anything related to a field of your choice, and updates every 5 minutes. On the left hand side of the page there is a dropbox with 'football' on it, which includes every league team. So you can keep up to date with every ridiculous rumor that surfaces. For the sadists amongst you, select 'Tottenham Hotspur' and bask in the fact that they will be linked to lots of world class players but get none of them.

I presume this is made by the same chaps who make Championship Manager, of the 'Make Students Fail their Degrees' Corporation. Bastards.